Table of Contents
Research published earlier this year has shown that the way children and adults process social interactions is notably different and involves separate areas of the brain. These findings have a significant impact on how to teach social skills to children as it suggests that while adults have built a “muscle memory” for social interactions, children need help in developing a natural empathetic understanding in social situations.
However, the lessons from this study are not just important for children, but also shed light on some of the higher incidence of inflexibility and prejudice involved in adult interactions. This article will go over the implications of this research for teaching children social skills, but also discuss how this research can help teachers to be more mindful in their own interactions with students and their fellow teachers.
New Research on Social Skills in Children and Adults
Research published in March has found that “Adults rely more on observable, body-based information, while children—with less social experience—engage more in effortful reasoning about what others are thinking and feeling during an interaction.” (Walbrin, et al.)
The study found that when adults processed social interactions, the Superior Temporal Sulcus (STS), which is involved in processing of visual information related to physical movements, was more active. However, children showed more activation in the frontal lobes of the brain which manages conscious thought.
The temporal lobe is often involved in things like pattern recognition of sensory information and so the study seems to suggest that adults are using social pattern recognition when in social situations due to having built a robust network of interactions to pull from in their lives. Children, however, do not yet have enough experiences from which to judge many interactions they have which causes them to have to rely more on logical reasoning, poorly developed as it may be, for why people act the way they do.
This developmental difference shows that children have a lot to learn when it comes to learning how to act appropriately and may often misjudge others’ intentions or emotional state. However, these results also show that adults may often rely heavily on preconceived notions and previous experiences rather than logic or empathy when in social situations.
How to Teach Children Social Skills in School
This research clearly suggests that children should be taught social skills by using logical reasoning rather than assuming children should know how to behave and then shaming them if they make a poor choice in a social situation. While some antisocial behaviors will still require stern reprimands and/or punishments, it is important that the teacher take time to explain their reasoning rather than simply saying things like “We don’t do that here” or “Good boys and girls don’t act like that”.
Young people who don’t understand the reasoning behind why their behavior resulted in a scolding or punishment will become resentful of the teacher or parent. Instead, if the teacher or parent can take time to go through the logical consequences of their actions or the behaviors of others, it can give their developing brains alternate pathways to consider, even if they don’t immediately empathetically change their mindset and apologize.
Often in the heat of the moment, students will defend their actions as admitting they made a mistake is unfortunately seen as a mark of shame in most cultures. It is important that teachers not put students constantly on the defensive as then their mind will only ever work to defend itself.
Dangerous and harmful behaviors such as bullying or discriminatory language do often need to be stopped quickly and sternly to protect vulnerable students and ensure that the community recognizes that such behavior is unacceptable. However, once emotions have settled, it is important to take the student who did wrong aside in a gentle, kind, and understanding manner to help them rewire their social networks.
The first step a teacher should take is to show understanding of their perspective and experience. If the student feels that the teacher or parent simply does not understand their point of view, they will forever remain closed to any insistence to change from someone they view as an enemy.
The second step is to give an abstract, but related example of the behavior to the student for them to consider. This can be a hypothetical, but another great approach is to use something from a TV show or movie that the student knows and loves.
The point here is to help them to consider a similar situation to the one they are in but in a more distant and less emotional context. Especially if their behavior does not match with someone they admire from the example story, this can be far more effective in getting them to reconsider their own values and how their actions match up rather than onboarding someone else’s moral code, something that is difficult no matter the person’s age.
Afterwards, it is important to not assume the student has made the connection to their own actions. Often students will think that their situation is different and the example is not valid in their case.
The teacher needs to draw mindful, clear, but kind connections between their behavior and that of the person/people from the example. It may seem more discrete to simply stick with the safe and distant abstract example and not draw any direct connections to make the student feel guilty, but this can often result in the student not understanding why they were taken aside in the first place and how the example pertains to their behavior at all.
Even in the best of circumstances though, it is important to understand that teaching students social skills is not like teaching content. Students will often still be emotional, resistant, and seem to block any attempt to understand the teacher’s point of view.
Teachers need to not lose hope or feel that it is hopeless to have these sorts of discussions as it clearly is not making a difference. In reality, the teacher themselves will probably never see the benefits of their discussions with students.
In many cases, the student will be too embarrassed to change their behavior in that context, but will be slightly more understanding or open in their next context. While this can be disheartening to the teacher to see so little progress themselves, it is important to understand that this is a normal part of development and not a reflection of their poor approaches or the child’s failures.
A well known proverb encourages people to plant trees whose shade they will never sit under. The idea here is that even though the person putting in the effort will not see the benefits of their labor, it is important that someone is willing to put in effort to improve the world for future generations to enjoy.
Teachers are best equipped for this mindset as their job is already so focused on building the next generation. However, many teachers still fall prey to desires for instant gratification for their efforts and lose hope too quickly.
Takeaways for Adults
The study found that while children rely on logic and active consideration in social situations, adults often simply use previous experiences to make quick judgments about how to act in social situations. While this can often be efficient and comforting to have a natural muscle memory for what is appropriate in social situations, it can also be very dangerous as it can cause adults to be less considerate and have less patience.
Adults who rely on previous experience, especially when they are second hand experiences from news stories or sensationalized stories from their peers, can end up often assuming the worst and even stereotyping in many social situations. This can lead to quick and harsh judgements from adults who have become jaded from their negatively biased memories.
A child who sees a car cut in front of them might ask something like “Why did that car drive so fast in front of us?” While the adult would probably quickly make judgments about that person being an “idiot” or “jerk” rather than considering things like “I wonder if they almost missed their turn off” or “I hope their vision is ok, they probably couldn’t see me since they almost hit me.”
Adults are often touted as having far more developed frontal lobes and mature ability to consider and use logic in their reasoning. However, this shows that the brain is not simply a linear development, but as different areas of the brain develop, different patterns of function appear and are relied on at different times.
While adults are technically more capable of using logic and reasoning in their considerations, the simultaneous development of their pattern recognition areas in their brain causes them to often rely more on those parts of their brain than the reasoning frontal lobes. Because of this, it is important for adults to also remind themselves to use their logic centers to consider social situations and not make quick broad sweeping judgements based on past experiences.
Teachers often get a new batch of students and immediately begin making judgments about the students they have received. This is especially common for seasoned teachers who have had many years of experience to pull from.
A common judgment teachers make is to say that this year’s students are far less prepared or intelligent than those from previous years. Students always seem to be slower, less capable, and less interested in class than those that came before them
Many times, these teachers are simply pulling from their most recent memories of their students from last year and they ignore that they are comparing these new students to students that have had an entire year of development and hard work from the teacher to reach that point.
One way to combat this is to use a diagnostic test at the beginning of each year to more fairly compare students at the beginning of each term. Sometimes there truly is a lack of vertical integration that is causing students to be less prepared for the course than in previous years. However, it is important that this diagnostic test not change each year as any change in the test invalidates it being compared to any other years that test was not used.
However, more often than not, there is often not really much of a statistical difference in the types of students the teacher receives year after year. If a teacher believes that students are less capable, this attitude can be infectious and actually lead to a self fulfilling prophecy.
Students who feel that their teacher hates them or thinks they are stupid are absolutely always going to do worse than students who feel loved, supported, and valued. If teachers bring negativity into their classroom with constant griping about how “kids these days” are so lazy or entitled, it will simply widen the generational rift and prevent much valuable lasting learning from occurring.
Similarly, many teachers who get a student with a learning difference like autism or ADHD will internally groan as they have known “a thousand kids like this” from their previous years of teaching. Because the teacher is relying on their pattern recognition networks when speaking with the student, they will be likely to continue the patterns they have used in the past.
Instead, teachers should think more logically and see that each instance of this type of student has not done well in their class and so rather than every one of those kids being a failure, perhaps they are the common denominator and they need to work on their approaches with this type of student. Self reflecting on why the teacher seems to always struggle to teach this type of student is far more helpful than some sort of fatalistic approach to students being hopeless and not worth the effort to spend time teaching.
If a student feels like the teacher has given up on them, this is the nail in the coffin for any hope of learning for that student. Teachers who make judgments about their students, especially early in their year, may be setting those students up for failure.
Making changes to our approaches is important and keeps us from simply falling into stale teachers who monotonously flip through slides we created 30 years ago. As teachers, it is important that we do not fall prey to stereotypes ourselves and instead work to change our approaches when we face difficulty rather than externalizing the blame to “difficult students”.
Are we truly only able to teach on easy mode to students who are eager sponges? Are we really good models of the resilience and hard work we expect from our students if we give up on students, especially even before we have even given them a chance?
Patterns can change. Students can grow, and so can their teachers. It is important that, as adults, we do not lose sight of one of the most powerful parts of our brain: our logic and reasoning.
Pattern recognition can be helpful for seeing problems as they arise, but the result of seeing these patterns should not be to give up, but instead to change our own approaches to change those undesirable patterns into something better. Just as we expect our students to change their approaches to learning when they get a bad grade, teachers should change their approaches to teaching when students get bad grades as well rather than always externalizing the blame to the students themselves.
Want more like this? Make Lab to Class a part of your weekly professional development schedule by subscribing to updates below.
References
Walbrin, Jon, et al. “Alternative Brain Connectivity Underscores Age-Related Differences in the Processing of Interactive Biological Motion.” The Journal of Neuroscience, 2023, https://doi.org/10.1523/jneurosci.2109-22.2023.
